Don't do this to yourself

Staying the night alone at a Super 8 Motel is probably one of the worst things you can do to yourself. In addition to that fact that travelers staying at these places are often susceptible to rape, murder, and STD contraction via contact surfaces, the rooms themselves are also extremely hideous. I was sitting alone in my room (202) last night and felt hungry, so I drove around looking for something to eat. Needless to say, vegetarian fare is a bit lacking in Dallas. I ended up going to Sonic's and getting a fudge brownie sonic blast and a large order of onion rings. On the way back I stopped by a Shell and picked a pack of ramen and a bottle of water. When I got back to my room, I realized that I had no fork. So I went down to the lobby and picked up two coffee stirrer straws, attempting to use them as chopsticks. It was precisely at the moment when I tried, unsuccessfully, to eat my noodles with my two limp straws that I realized how truly pathetic my situation was. Surrounded by the tasteless decor of a Super 8 motel room, the stench of cheap sex mercilessly attacking my olfactory senses, the excessive placement of mirrors on every possible wall reflecting the various degrees of my inadequacy, I thought to myself, "This is what destitution must feel like".

The soup was also ridiculously hot and had burnt my lips.