The Magic is Lost Upon Me

I made bread the other day. It was 100% whole wheat, in case you were wondering. I waited an entire three hours and forty-five minutes for it to knead, rise, knead again, rise a second time, and finally bake. The whole time I was sitting upstairs, anxiously anticipating the taste of freshly made whole wheat bread shmeared with peanut-butter and topped with banana slices, it's aroma lingering in my nostrils long after the contents have made their way down my gastric tunnel. Well, let's just the aforementioned imagery was never actually realized. What instead arose from the arid abyss of my Magic Chef bread maker was a loaf of undeniable monstrosity. It was rock hard on the outside, hard enough to knock out a camel, in case you were looking for a rough frame of reference, but there was nothing on the inside. And I do mean that in the very literal sense, none, nada, zilch, mei you, mu (for those of the Final Fantasy persuasion). What I found, after cracking the crust with a two-story drop (hurl is more like it), was a very large hole occupying the center of my loaf surrounded by a layer of dough that didn't look so dissimilar from the matter occupying the machine an hour ago. So I suppose the real mystery to the Magic Chef is how they get a huge ass hole into the middle of a shell that's harder than space-grade titanium-alloy. But being the forgiving and inquisitive fellow that I am, I wanted to stop bitching and find out how I could correct this situation, or at the very least prevent history from repeating itself. So I looked to the instruction manual. After flipping to the FAQ section for troubleshooters - that would be me, yours truly - I found the passage that finally explained the causes for my culinary catastrophe.

Or not...

Large hole in center of bread
Gas bubble got trapped inside. Rare.

Fucking Monkeys! Rare!? I'm sorry, is this not the FAQ? Short for Frequently Asked Questions? If it is so rare, then why do people ask about it so damn frequently? A gigantic hole in my bread seems like a pretty big problem to me. Can you not at least use complete sentences to explain this?

I am honestly baffled, frustrated, and genuinely saddened by the stupidity of Corporate America. If I ever meet the technical writer that authored the FAQ to the Magic Chef, I'm going to put my foot up his ass. And when he asks me why my foot is up his ass, I'm going to tell him "My foot got trapped inside. Rare."

Dumbasses.